I’ve been thinking about this nonstop since last night. It doesn’t help that I’m home sick today (YUCK) so I don’t have as much of a distraction as I usually do.
Sometimes I feel like I just think that everyone who gets pregnant before me doesn’t deserve it. Like, I SHOULD be first. Particularly since about 90% of the people got married after us, and more and more lately, started trying after us. So, that sucks a lot. But I don’t think it’s the most honest representation of what I think. Mostly, it’s that I don’t understand why it can’t be both. Why do you get it and I don’t? It’s worse when someone isn’t happy about being pregnant, but lets be honest, 95% of the time, at least in my world, people are happy to be pregnant. So, I wonder – why do they get the happiness? Why couldn’t I get it as well? There aren’t a limited number of babies out there (I keep having to remind myself of this…infertility does strange things to your brain), so it doesn’t matter if someone else is pregnant, in terms of MY chances of getting pregnant. But still. Why not both?
In the interest of disclosure, my policy seems to be much less favorable towards the small (but growing) number of my facebook friends who had newborns right around the time we started trying and are now well on their way to their second children. That’s a little much for anyone in our situation to be magnanimous about. Obviously, I know, again, that it doesn’t really make a difference in my situation, but we’re talking emotions – they aren’t logical. I just keep feeling like I’m a small child, and it’s MY turn and I KEEP GETTING SKIPPED. The unfairness of it all! The desire to have a tantrum that really doesn’t go away, because the thing hasn’t been rectified. Sigh
Cycle News: I’m hoping I’m going to ovulate soon. It’d be nice – mostly on time. Ugh. Body, work. It’s CD18 of Cycle 20. BLECH.
You’ll notice (if you care) that many of the blogs I had on my sidebar have been removed. Either people got pregnant and stopped posting or just stopped posting without getting pregnant. So, I cleaned house. And now to look for some more people to follow along with – I’m open to suggestions 🙂