I’ve always thought of myself as intuitive. Or at least, trying to be.
Sometimes, it’s been hideously wrong – but that’s usually when I’ve been trying to intuit someone’s understanding of me rather than just asking like a human.
Most of the time though – I try to notice things.
Infertility brings a level of noticing things that is hard to shut off.
The couple that we had lunch with on Saturday – with a five year old and an extra bedroom in Manhattan.
The single mom by choice with two kids under four.
The friends who just gave birth to boy/girl twins.
The couple that’s five years older than us, got married two weeks before us, and doesn’t have kids.
Obviously, some people are really open, but sometimes I think I see more than I should. The same way that I imagine that people I meet might put two and two together when they figure out that we’ve been married for six and a half years and don’t have kids. Somehow, to me, four or five years still seemed in the realm of the plausibly waiting, but not six and a half. Maybe because I know we’ve been trying for the last two years – but still. Or they decide we just don’t want kids. Which is also plausible, but not applicable in our situation.
The thing is, I don’t say anything to these people. One, I might be reading too much into it. And two, because it means opening myself and it means asking questions that no one wants to ask. It’s the safest, but I wonder sometimes about whether it would open up more alleys for conversation. Still, I don’t see it changing, at least not until we have this more figured out. It’s funny that it seems like the time that everyone “comes out” is after there is already a baby. After it’s already a little bit more moot. But I understand. I don’t want to open up now. So, I just see things.
Do others find themselves wondering about people they meet? Trying to figure out if they are fellow travelers?