Waking Up

I have had the pervading sense in the past few days of “waking up.”

Like I suddenly have the ability that I’ve been lacking for the last several months of looking around me and seeing more than just the surface.

It’s been a little like being blind, and I’ve been totally unsure what I’ve been missing, but it’s been clear.

In other news, we’re about to mark 2 years of trying. I wish I were more emotional about it, but I just can’t be. I’m frustrated, but that’s all that’s left. The plan is to celebrate by actually calling the effing RE this week. Like really doing it. Not just talking about it.

Sigh.

Hope you guys  have a wonderful weekend. I have dinner tonight with the girl who talked all about the baby no one else at the table knew. Hoping with DH there this time it won’t be as ridiculous.

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heartbreaking

Today, I spent Shabbat lunch with three beautiful children from two different families.

I played with the little girl and she directed a “mama!” at me. She’s basically not totally verbal, but it didn’t stop my heart from stopping.

I helped bathe the little baby after Shabbat, and it was great.

We have been trying so long. I cried when I left their apartment – I should have been able to bring a baby to that meal. Not just talk and play and whatever as the awkward non-parent.

We have been married longer than all of them. Probably both families put together, in fact.

Please let this be our month.