Do you ever find yourself totally underplaying your fertility situation?

This happened today to me and I was so uncomfortable with it, but the more I think about it, it was probably the right thing to do.

Situation: my coworker and I, who I don’t know well (she’s in another department that I don’t work with much), happen to leave work at the same time and are going in the same direction, which means the same subway. I know she has two boys (5 and 3) and they sound really sweet. I bet she’s a good mom.

She and I strike up a conversation about the fact that the office is moving and that it’s probably going to be around the same time that she’s moving (they HAVE to abandon the city for the suburbs unless they can find a huge money pot – and at a certain point, most people just want space). So our family comes up, and she asks how long we’ve been married. The thing is, at this point, it’s six and a half years, and it starts to feel like no one is going to believe that we haven’t thought about kids at this point. So I said, six years, pointed out that we’d been young and DH is still in school, and we kind of moved on.

It’s just crazy, because it was like giving an answer from two years ago. That was the truth then – I was on birth control for that exact reason. So it was like the truth, but an old truth, not the current truth. I didn’t want to confide in her, I didn’t want to bring anything like that into the conversation. But I’m still a little uncomfortable about how that conversation went.

This stuff is so hard, and so personal, that I feel like I end up censoring myself a lot. This was maybe the first time that it’s come up in a while, so maybe I’m just out of practice. Either way, what a weird experience – in a little over a week, we’re going to the big fancy doctor to get this fertility thing on the road, and here I am, downplaying what it all means to me.

8 thoughts on “Underplaying

  1. I think you handled it perfectly and I use to do it all the time except ppl would come right out and ask ‘so, when are you having kids?!’ – Every single time I downplayed it and never once confided in someone. It’s your own personal choice and if you become close with her and end up sharing the struggle, as a woman, I am sure she would understand. xoxo

  2. Totally understand. I hate the question “so do you have kids?” or “do you want kids?” It’s like a knife in the heart. I used to play it down more than I do know, I was still in school and still am when we started trying so I felt like people would have opinions but then I just stopped caring. If someone asks now I usually respond with “not yet” for do you have them and “yes I do” for do you want them. If I know the person well enough or it’s been a rough time lately, I’ll flat out tell them “I can’t have kids” which isn’t even entirely true but it makes the conversation stop.

  3. I downplay all the time. I have to. Because my two best friends just had babies, and my cousin’s wife had a baby last year, and I have to pretend like I’m 100% ok with everything. Then at random times in the evening, something dumb like a picture on Instagram will make me cry uncontrollably for 20 minutes.

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