For Real!?

Today is CD2.

I have had some stomach bug that has been going around our office since like, Monday.

Seriously, having a stomach complaint at the end of the 2WW and then having AF arrive, and then having the stomach thing continue?!? Yeah, so not cool.

Since I was home sick yesterday, I called the new RE. And got the run around because it’s new insurance – apparently, my card says one thing, but the plan is actually called something else. Long story short, the office closed before I figured that all out. UGH.

Otherwise, it’s been a crazy few weeks – we were on vacation, and got stranded at the airport trying to get home. I’m sick, my husband’s sick, work is crazy, and my grad school class starts in like, ten days. Yay.

We also lost my pseudo-grandmother.  She wasn’t really my grandmother (all my real grandparents have been dead since 2008) but she was the woman that my mom had sort of taken on as a mom, and had filled those roles for us as I was growing up, since there weren’t many grandparents and they were far away anyway. She’d been ill for ages, with one thing or another, but then she fell and broke her hip – and that was the end. Very sad. I really wanted to share my baby with her, rather than having her as someone to name after. Sigh.

Onto the next thing…

 

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The Second Worst

I was actually going to call this the worst time of the month, but that’s not true. The worst, always is CD1. When it is FOR SURE that you’re not pregnant and it’s just miserable. Trying to put yourself together so you can try to try again.

No, I’m thinking about the 2WW. I’m trying to be reasonable. In fact, I wrote somewhere else that I’m expecting AF on Wednesday.

Which I am.

But that never stops me from making fantastical plans.

A friend and I are planning a joint Disney trip in May for our birthdays. I love Disney and so does she, and she’s turning 30. We don’t live near each other anymore, so meeting up somewhere we both love seemed obvious. Today I was reading the guide book I bought (The Unofficial Guide – the holy grail of getting the most out of your trip), even though I honestly could probably plan the entire trip without it without trouble, and imagining how this trip would be different if I’m pregnant.

That although we are currently planning for me to not be pregnant, my friend knows we’re trying and there is a huge part of me that will be glad to miss all kinds of rides if I am pregnant.

That this cycle would put me being due right before our 7th wedding anniversary. And a month before my husband turns 32. That it would be super inconvenient from a work standpoint is fine – I’ve always expected that whenever I would be due would be among the least convenient times. So there’s that.

There’s the part of me that has hope. And the part of me that knows that this hope is probably futile and will make CD1 worse.

But I can’t help it.