So, my plan of putting two stressful things together has kind of worked.

My stress level is high, but I’m not feeling that sick sense of anxiety that makes me crazy. Rather, my head is buzzing like I have a beehive in there, and it’s not really letting me think.

Oy. But by tomorrow at about 6PM, it’ll all be done. Or really, I guess, 7PM. Once we’re in the air, for real, on our trip. We’ll have done the doctor’s office, gotten to the airport, gotten through security, and made it onto the plane by then. As long as we don’t end up as the next Malaysia air.

As for this cycle? Who knows. I’m probably going to end up being delayed in ovulation because of the stress of travelling. Although, it’s mostly about the time change – it’s a direct flight, so although it’s a 5 hour time difference (did I mention the potential job is in Europe?) I think the travel will be reasonable. And they’re paying for a car service for us to get to JFK so that won’t be too bad either.

My medical records are super interesting. I have to bring them tomorrow, so I have been pouring over them. I anticipate that I will need a few more blood tests and then I can see him moving into surgery. Granted, he may want to do everything over again, which since it’s been close to a year, I wouldn’t object. As long as we get the show on the road, honestly, I don’t mind what the heck we’ll do.

I’ll update when I can – it’ll depend on how much time I have at the airport and what kind of wifi access we have. Otherwise, see you on the flip side!

Getting Moving

It just has to start.

I don’t care how annoying. I mean, I do care, but I can’t keep using that as an excuse.

We emailed my old doctor and got the forms moving for getting all my records from them.

I emailed our insurance broker yesterday to say that I hadn’t gotten our new cards yet. She ordered another set of new ones for us, and reminded me that I could download temporary cards online, which I did and printed out.

I looked up the doctor’s office I want, and I think I picked a doctor — I’ve known for a while which office, but they have multiple doctors and I wasn’t clear which I wanted.

I am going out of the office later today, and I could snag five minutes to call when I have the relative anonymity of a coffee shop.

This has to move. I keep waiting for something – mostly, I think, for my body to work the way it’s supposed to. But it’s not. And everyone around me is getting pregnant, and although it’s not every time, some of them totally destroy me.

I don’t have time to be this upset about it – there are at least parts of this that I can change.

It’s hard, because life has been really emotionally exhausting lately, but I can’t keep letting that stop me. Sometimes, it’s a good check when things are really overwhelming, but it means that when I have the window, I have to go for it.

I wish this could all be normal. That it would have worked like it was supposed to and then we could have just continued on with life. But it hasn’t, so I have to keep moving. Or get moving.

Rather than letting the fact that this is two years since we started trying, and a relatively close friend who got married less than six months before we started trying is pregnant, stop me, I have to use it as motivation. Or I will be where I am, because there is nothing else happening here.

Infertility = Disability?

RESOLVE posted this article on their facebook: Is Infertility Fertile Ground for Disability Discrimination Claims? 

Given that I can’t comment on facebook (hi, totally not private at all!), I wanted to talk about it here where it is private.

First, I appreciate the sentiment. As I mentioned previously, I haven’t needed to deal with employers and infertility yet, but I’m worried we’re going to get there soon. In a way, it’s nice to have something in my pocket – if they aren’t accommodating, there’s actually precedent for getting help, if I need it. Not that I imagine that they wouldn’t be accommodating, but because understanding that I have backup is nice.

It definitely makes me feel that there are at least some parts of the establishment that take the ridiculous world of infertility seriously.

But, there is a part of me that is a little squicked out at the idea of being “disabled” – who really wants that as a thing? But at the same time, I keep feeling like I want to explain to everyone how hard this is, how life changing, and how permanently life changing it is. So I guess it makes sense – this is one kind of recognition. Still.

What do you guys think?